my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
