I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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