if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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