Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
