Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
