You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
