I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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