She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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