he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
