I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
