And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My ass is underappreciated
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
