Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
