Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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