no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
