You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
