Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
