In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize