So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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