my sisters under your porch take her home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize