I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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