Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
