Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
