he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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