dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
