you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
