Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize