Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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