My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
