You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
