so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
