just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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