he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
