Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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