Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude i'm inner monologue high
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize