its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
