omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
