Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
