Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
