She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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