Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
