Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize