Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
