I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
