Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
