In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
