I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have post one night stand depression
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
