Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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