Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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