I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Houston, we have a blender
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
