Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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