Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
