He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
