I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
