the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
