i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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