i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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