Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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