I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
