I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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