a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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