you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
