I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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