Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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