Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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