Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
