You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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