i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
