I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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